An Ode to My Dreamer

And so it began...
A little girl with a dream...

And with a mama behind her,
It would always seem 

That a smile and a wink
Could make the world go round. 

And I was ready and willing
And I would hit the ground...

  

Running and running
As fast as I could. 

Living the good life
Because life should be good.

But sometimes it isn't
And I want you to know

That it may take more than a wink
To make the world go.

Yes, life needs YOU
To always rise above

Anything that's below you
And absent of love.

And as you dream your
Big dream my little one 

Please wish for anything
Under the sun.

Set your sights high
And your worries low

And get your movin' on
With your to and your fro.

And reach your hands
Way up in the sky

And maybe... just maybe,
You'll learn how to fly.

Because all good things
Are wild and free

And it is up to you
Who you want to be.

But if you try and you try
And you're still on the ground,

And you feel sad and scared
And trapped all around.

Know it's ok because
This is your story too.

This is where you learn and you grow
And you finally break through.

And you'll find a way there--
To where you are going

Even if it's around and about
And with the wind blowing.

You'll land in the spot
That is just right for you--

A wink and a smile
And a little straightening too.

Then off to the next
And the next after that

Leaving the ney-sayers
Right where they're at.

So swim in the sunshine
And bask in the sea

And enjoy every second
That's meant to be.

And when you arrive at your dream,
Look it straight in the face

And be thankful it's a journey
And not a race.

Because the true gift, my dear,
Is who you've become.

My dreamer, my love....
My little one.

For it was your mama's dream...
A long time ago

To have you in my life
And you should always know...

Dreams do come true;
You remind me every day

That a wink and a smile
Can go a long way.

You are proof that dreams
Are worth fighting for.

Remember that always
And forever more.

*Dream images courtesy Pinterest. 

Resolutions/ Schmezolutions...

...I hate resolutions.

OK, this wasn't always the case.  Like ever other year, I started thinking about my resolutions over the holidays.  I went into my notes on my smartphone to type them up when I found a note titled Resolutions 2012.  Hmmmm.... last year's resolutions.  I was excited to revisit this list and see where I was a year ago versus where I am now.  And, what I got was a total bummer.  It was the same list as this year.  THE SAME LIST!  Meaning... I made no progress last year according to myself.  How could I if I had the same resolutions?  That's when I decided... resolutions are for the birds and I would be first in line to vote this age-old tradition out of existence.

You know what I mean, right?  How many years can they feature the same resolutions on the Today Show... "lose weight," "eat healthy," "work-out," "make time for my family/spouse," "be nice."  Over and over and over again.  The thing is... if we have to repeat the same resolutions from the year before... something isn't working.  Can I get an Amen?

Why?  Why are our resolutions not working?  Why are these empty words floating around in our heads hoping to make this the best year yet?  Why are we no better off a year later and yet we repeat the same broken process?

This is the formula I came up with...

(Unwillingness to change [aka stubbornness]) x (empty promises/false hope) = resolutions

Here are the problems with resolutions... they require one to change and in order to change permanently, one must take action.  In order to take action, one must have a plan.  In order to have a plan, one must set goals.

And so this year, I am writing off resolutions for good and I am replacing them with good ol' fashioned goals.  Because my stubbornness seems to be a bit on the overloaded side... (yes, I admit), it is imperative for me to take serious action to get to where I want to be.  I am not going to look back on 2013 as a year of no progress.  I will not settle for that.  Not again.

But a lot happened in 2012 that shook me to my core and isn't that where we take a good look at ourselves in the mirror and think, "Hmmmmm... do I like who is looking back at me?"  I have done a lot of looking in the mirror in the past few months wondering that very question.  Truth is, the answer for me is no.  And this is a big admission from the gal who is always right.  From the gal who can do it better than anyone.  From the gal who has it all together.  Yes, me.  I am the one who hears, "I'm sorry," not the one who delivers it.  I am the one who does it correctly the first time, of course.  I am the one who knows it all.  Yet, it is me that's the problem.  (And my Type A personality.)  Am I being too critical?  Yes.  It's about time.

But CHANGE is a-comin' because I already told you.  I will not settle.  Not again.  And this year is going to be different because my life is different.  My outlook is different.  My experiences are different.

You may recall when I first described the journey of learning about little Lilah's diagnosis of dwarfism, I compared it to being on a ravine and getting pushed over the edge into the wild jungle below.  I could see the ravine on the other side and I knew that was where I wanted to be, but I had to get there.  The learning process, the change inside me, the growing of the character takes place in this jungle.  That's where I am and that is where I have been for the past few months.  And it's hard... and wonderful... and scary... and freeing.

In this jungle, you see the good and the bad.  Somedays all I see are exotic flowers every where I turn.  I see bright colors and God's beauty and creativity in every step.  Somedays are filled with optimism and joy and gratitude that I was chosen to walk through this jungle.  Somedays I cannot believe how lucky I am.  Other days, I see things I don't want to see... scary monsters show their faces and I have to go to battle.  I feel this way when I dig deep and realize something about myself that isn't pretty.  When harboring old grudges or feelings or certain thoughts or insecurities come out, I have to acknowledge them and battle them.  But this is why this journey is just that.  It doesn't happen overnight and I am committed to being a better person for my family, for my Lilah, for her world.  Change is just a word.  But it is a word that I don't take lightly.  I am willing to fight the fight within myself to let go, grow, open my mind, and see things with clarity from a pure heart.

And with every goal that has ever been fulfilled, it started with the understanding of HOW.  How am I going to get there?  How am I going to make these goals work for me?  How am I going to put them into practice until they have changed me for good?

I am a visual person.  I need visuals and lots of them.  I need daily, hourly, minutely reminders to stay on track.  To fight those battles and win them.  To keep going on the path looking for those flowers and bright colors.  Luckily, I have my visuals.  I have my son who makes me want to fight every fight just to be that much more of a role model for him.  I have my husband who does one million little things in a day just for the chance it might be rewarded with a smile.  I have my daughter who makes me want to  burn a path within our society for her to follow.  And when I look at them, I am going to understand the importance of change and me becoming better for them is my choice... and oh how they are worth it.  And their life will be better because I am better.

This is the year of Change.  And hope, and love and acceptance and gratitude.  This is the year I start being the change I want to see in the world.  And I will begin with one step at a time, one day at a time.  And I will live life on purpose and with great purpose.

Out with the resolutions... and you can take your Auld Lang Syne with you.  Never could pronounce that song anyway.  In with a fresh start, a new beginning, a positive outlook and most importantly a willingness to change and goals to go along with it.

A letter to my daughter... a letter to my son

To my daughter,

Just the thought of putting down words that you will someday read brings tears to my eyes.  There is so much I want to say and so much I want to share with you...

Let's start with telling you that your daddy & I always wanted to have a little girl.  When we found out that you were no longer a figment of our imagination and you were really coming, we were over the moon.  To think in nine short months we would get to meet you... and now we are less than a week away.  I have to tell you... our journey is different than most, but that is okay because that's what gets us to today.  And today is a beautiful day.

We found out when you were only 33 weeks old and still in mommy's tummy that your arms and legs were going to be shorter than average throughout your life.  At first, we were very sad.  Sad for you that you were going to be different and sad for us too.  We were worried about complications, what your life would be like and how people would treat you.  We were worried about how we would be as parents, if we could be good role models to you and how we would handle your differences.  Sweetie, we were never sad about you.  You and your spirit inspired us to make some important decisions and quickly.  Your daddy & I decided that we can continue to be sad and feel bad for you or we could make the right choice and give you the best life that we know how and teach you that your differences are not weaknesses but strengths.

And that may not make a lot of sense.  How could your arms and legs being shorter be a strength?  Well, I have a secret to tell you.  Before you were even born we realized something very special about you.  Something that I struggled day after day to find the perfect word to explain... until one day Nana found that word and I knew immediately it was your word: extraordinary.  You, my dear, are extraordinary.  When our family, friends, communities and even strangers found out about you... they were moved.  You wiggled your way into their hearts and were determined to never leave.  You reminded them about what is important in life.  You made them believers in triumph and how obstacles can be overcome.  You showed them the importance of "community" and you encouraged them to reach out to us.  You strengthened their faith and reminded them how God takes care of us all no matter what.  And you made believers out of me & your daddy.  You showed us how much we can rely on others and how much people care.   You made us believe in each other and most importantly... in you.

You see, you have already touched so many lives... and all before your first breath of air.  God has such big plans for you and your life.  Never forget that.  You were put here on Earth for a very divine purpose and baby girl, you started fulfilling that purpose before you could have ever known.  Just as your daddy & I feel we have an obligation to share your story with the world and teach people about accepting and celebrating differences, we feel you have an obligation to touch peoples' lives too.  And the amazing thing is... all you have to do is be yourself and give a little smile.

We are not going to tell you that your journey is going to be easy.  There are going to be times when you will wish you were like everyone else.  You may be sad and you may wonder why this was your fate.  Just know that it is okay to have those feelings.  We will always be here for you with an army of those surrounding us ready to love and support you in whatever you may need.  Nothing in life worth living for was ever easy.  And how do you become the person you want to become without opportunities to be challenged along the way?  Embrace these challenges and know you will be better for it.  Not to spoil the ending... but your journey is unfolding exactly as it should be and everything is going to be okay.  Better than okay.

And just remember, your mommy & daddy, family, friends and God love you just the way you are.  And we want you to love you just the way you are too.  Be of good courage and He will strengthen your heart (Psalms 31:24).  All that matters is what is in your heart.  Fill your heart with joy and it will spill over onto everyone else.  Know that you are so blessed and God has given you so many talents.  It is up to you to unlock the doors to those talents and let them come out to play.  You are capable of wonderful things.  Yes you are... we have already witnessed it.

And what you do in this world is up to you.

"If you can imagine it, you can achieve it; if you can dream it, you can become it."
                                                                             ~ William Arthur Ward

So as you go through life, hold your head up high and feel confident in knowing just how extraordinary you are.  For before you were even born you were so loved by so many.  Never before was there ever a YOU in this world. YOU are the one everyone is excited to meet.  You were called angel, miracle, princess and a blessing by so many people before you ever opened your eyes.  You will always be a symbol of hope, of love and of life.  But to me & your daddy, you will always be ours... our baby girl.  And love you we will... always and forever... to the moon and back.

XOXO, Mommy


To my son,

From the moment I knew you were going to be a big brother, my heart rejoiced for you.  What an honor in life to get to grow up with with the title of "big brother."  With this title comes lots of things: responsibility, fun and the occasional squabble.  (Occasional is me being optimistic here.)  Well let me tell you... the key to being a good big brother is that word responsibility. All big brothers are responsible for teaching, helping and loving their little sisters.  And I have no doubt in my mind that you will embrace these tasks wholeheartedly.

But, Clay... there is something else you should know.  Your sister isn't like other little sisters.  She is smaller, shorter and she will always be that way.  When you are young, you won't even notice.  But there will come a time in your life when you will understand that your little sister is different.   What your daddy & I want you to know is that different doesn't mean anything other than that.  In our house, different will always be said with a smile.  Different will always define who we are and we will take on that word with pride.  Different will never mean wrong or bad.  Your daddy & I will spend our lifetime teaching you and others that different is beautiful.

And as your little sister's big brother, that word responsibility will take on more meaning.  You see, she will be loved by you and she will look up to you.  You will be such an influence in her life now and always.  Know that if you show her respect, so will others.  You are such a natural-born leader, we know that you will have no problems in leading the charge.  But this is your journey too.  And we know that some days are going to be harder than others.  Your daddy & I promise to always be here for you.  And so will so many others.

Over the course of your two years here on Earth, you have surprised many people... especially your daddy & I.  There have been many wonderful words people have used to describe you, but the one I hear on a daily basis is: smart.  And just as it is every parents' duty to discover their child's talents... we feel we already know yours.  Clay, your ability to remember and learn and teach are talents that God has blessed you with.  Don't think this happened by accident.  You should know that God doesn't work that way.  He gave you these talents for a reason and He will reveal His purpose for you.

Your daddy & I want to educate everyone one day at a time about what it is that makes your sister different and how we can all learn something from that.  We hope you allow your experiences to light your own way... sharing your story and moving others' to be better.  You were given a gift, just like your sister, to have the ability to change the world.

More than anything... your daddy & I feel so blessed to have you as our son.  You have taught us what it means to love even when your heart feels like it couldn't possibly hold any more love, it expands in a way to make room for more.  Your smile melts our worries away and your laugh makes us wonder if there is anything in life that sounds sweeter.  Thank you for being a light in our lives and we look forward to watching you shine on and on as you wish upon your star.  We love you big boy!

XOXO, Mommy