One Little Word

2014.

It is intimidating to look at that number and see a blank page.  What to type... anything could come next.  But the impact of what does come next is truly profound.  Hopes, dreams, desires, goals... all in the form of resolutions.  What if I told you that for 2014, you could have one word?  Just one.  And it would have to sum up what you want for yourself for the entire year.

Change.

Looking back, I would say this was my word last year.  And I was fierce this time last year.  I took a good-long-hard-look in the mirror and thought about the person looking back at me.  I would say that I stripped back all the layers and got down to the bottom of myself.  I was relentless on the criticism finding so much about myself that I didn't like.  That process in and of itself was grueling... but, it ultimately lit a fire deep inside.  And so... I vowed to change.  For myself.  I started with resolutions, and then when I realized these had failed me over and over each year which led me to where I was at the time... I threw this tradition out the door because... not this time.  Not this time would I fail at change.  I then came up with what I called good ol' fashioned goals.  And these goals became my mantra for the year.  (Read last year's post Resolutions/Schmezolutions here).

My first step was to admit that I didn't have all the answers.  And with this admission, for me, came an eagerness to learn.  I wanted my mind to stretch so far that it couldn't go back.  I wanted to be so influenced that I couldn't help but to act.  I wanted to break down barriers and build foundations to new ideas in their place.  So I began to seek.  What I found was remarkable.  I found people.  Stories. Experiences. Perspectives.  And the thing is... with each one, my heart grew an ounce to make room for them.  I found myself loving.  I found myself living.  I found myself.

Thank God for 2013.  It was a tedious process... a tumultuous journey and oh-so lovely and rewarding. And the thing is... once you start changing, you never really stop.  Inspiration and determination have taken up permanent residency inside my head.  But, it is the small tidbits of wisdom I have collected over the last year that remind me that we can learn from all situations.  It is what we take away that holds the true power.  We are all walking our own journeys, what we choose to see along the way is up to us.

And knowing that I get to build from everything I have gained over the last year makes this year a lot more sweet to slip into.  But, that one-word challenge.  That was so much more difficult than I could have ever imagined.  Hundreds of words passed through my head and with each one, I stopped to try it on for size looking at it from every angle, examining it until I was left shaking my head and thinking, "No, that word will just not do." And then I found it.  My word for 2014.  And I will admit, that I tossed this word aside also.  And later when I came back to it, I realized I was afraid of this word.  It comes with big shoes... much bigger than my own.  I was worried I would fail at this word.  But, I soon decided that it was in my heart and chosen for me by Him, so it had to be right.

Give.

Everyday is a gift.  We know this.  But we forget this.  And when we are forced to remember this in the wake of a serious situation... we once again look at life as a gift, as it is meant to be viewed.  And this is when we can truly appreciate life one day at a time.  I love the saying, "Do something great today, you exchanged a day of your life for it." And so, this year I hope to add an element of giving to our everyday lives and challenge ourselves to reach beyond our comfort zone and find new opportunities to serve and give.  I want to keep this word in the forefront.  I want to give my children my full presence when I am with them.  I want to give my husband a full commitment to teamwork as we parent together.  I want to give myself forgiveness when everything goes array and remember to laugh in moments that just aren't worth fretting about. I want to give back to my community for all the grace and love they have given us over the past year.  I want to give hope to strangers and encourage wherever and whenever I can.  I have lots of little ideas and big ideas that will hopefully allow for lots and lots of giving throughout the year.

And now a fresh start.  A chance for a deep inhale of the intoxicating fumes of possibilities in the new year.  A clear mind, a focused goal and a lot of gusto... and here we go 2014.  Let's do this.

I would love to hear from you!  What's your one little word?

And how about some Christmas outtakes just for fun?!

On Love, Life & Happiness

Well isn't that an ambitious title for a post.  I know.  And I have been ruminating about these thoughts a lot lately.

On love.

I have to be honest... it has been a little overwhelming to read all of the comments on the blog.  The positive filled me with so much encouragement.  It caused many random smiles throughout my day when I would read words that spoke to my heart.  I loved hearing other stories, experiences and perspectives on the topics of short or different or acceptance.  On the flip side, the negative had me spinning a bit.  Part of me thought, this is good for me... makes me stronger, allows me to open my mind, tests my patience... and the other part... yeah.  I mumbled some choice words under my breath and wrote the nicest response I could manage.
Here's the thing.  My mentor told me this...

"Always remember that Love IS the greatest power in the Universe, as you well know--and it is another name for "God". Alongside of this, always remember that "what you FIGHT, fights back"--always. So, be on FIRE with Love, and never knowingly, try to fight anything...but allow it to be, bless the naysayers and find something to love about anything or anyone who starts to "feel" like an enemy.

In other words, those who make you feel like they want to "do battle" are simply crying out for Love--because all of us are in either one place or the other...that, of giving Love, or that of needing Love--and it is always our choice as to which place we stand.

Oh, how I love that.  And she is right... showing love is the best thing I can ever do... for anyone.  I needed to hear that.  I needed to understand that.  You see, I can be somewhat of a spitfire.  I am 95% sweet/kind/patient and 5% will fight to the end.  (Ok, maybe that percentage is a little off... it might be more like 80/20.  Oh, who are we kidding... it is probably more like 70/30... on a good day.)  Anyhow, I can pretend that it's not me... but it is.  I am embracing the me.  Yes, I am a little spark plug that is very capable of standing up for myself, my family and my beliefs.  I can turn into a mama bear in .5 seconds if need be.  But, I am learning.  If I fight fire with fire, it is me who is going to get burned.  My mentor is right.  Love is the only way to go.

On life.

I have been feeling a bit conflicted about the blog.  I am not a natural-born writer-- at all.  This is me writing my thoughts down with very little editing.  It takes a lot for me to sit down and write because it is not something that I am passionate about.  I don't have that... "oh, I can't wait to write" feeling.  The reason I do write is because I have that "I have something I want to share" feeling.  My hopes and intentions with the blog is to inspire, raise awareness for dwarfism and spread lots of love along the way.  Lately, I have been writing about "big" topics that carry a lot of weight.  The M-word, acceptance, celebrating differences.  Topics that make me want to write because they need to be discussed and shared.  But the truth is... my blog isn't a very good reflection of me and my family.  Dwarfism is such a small part of our lives.  Yes, my daughter was diagnosed with dwarfism and will have this diagnosis the rest of her life.  As a result, she will be physically different.  How much does that play into our daily lives?  Very little.

My goal is to try to merge the blog with our real lives in attempts to share what we are all about.  For those who follow along on Facebook (Dream Big Little One page)... you seeing a little more... For those who follow along on Instagram (dreambiglittleones)... you are seeing the real us.  I post 4-5 pictures everyday of our real lives.  The pretty, the fun, the messy, the silly.  That's us.  I am going to put the love and the real life back into the blog and hang up the fight.  Not meaning that I won't stand up to others and raise awareness for dwarfism... not meaning I won't discuss important topics.  Not meaning I wont share what I am learning in this amazing journey.  It simply means that I am going to do it my way.  In this blog, we will laugh, smile and carry on because THAT is what we are all about.

On happiness.

I mentioned my mentor above... she happens to be my grandmother's cousin.  She just turned 81 this week.  She has so much wisdom to share... I love that she takes the time to share it with me.  Luckily, this past year, I have met so many inspiring women from around the country, that I also call mentors.  And I have learned all about this one word: happiness.  It is something I have been chasing for years.  If I only had this... if I only accomplished that... if this would happen... then I would be happy.  I chased it around and around and it was early on in my journey of living post-diagnosis that I realized... I would never catch it that way.  I learned that happiness is a choice.  Sometimes, if you have the world on a silver spoon, it is an easy choice.  Sometimes, the cards you are dealt are not favorable and it becomes a difficult choice.  But, a choice nonetheless.  I have watched mamas in their 30's with small children deal with a cancer diagnosis with grace.  They chose to look for the rainbow in gray skies.  I have seen mamas with children with disabilities turn from devastated to utterly ecstatic with the mastering of a small milestone.  They chose the glass half full.  I have seen mamas whose babies earned their angel wings far before their time.  They chose to praise God.  

Happiness isn't when you get more, do more, are more.  Happiness isn't yesterday or tomorrow or in five years.  Happiness isn't earned or deserved or awarded.  Happiness isn't found by comparing, judging or measuring.  Happiness isn't found by being perfect, having it all together or looking a certain way. 

Happiness is you filling your cup with things that bring you joy.  It is finding small moments each day that cause you to break into smile.  It is feeling like you and being completely comfortable doing so.  It is looking at the people in your life and appreciating the good.  It is being content with what you have and going after your dreams at the same time.  It is loving & living to your fullest.  It is laughing.  It is dancing.  It is being giddy.  

When I had it all, I was too busy chasing more that I didn't notice.  When I found out about Lilah's diagnosis my world came crashing down.  I thought, "How will I ever be happy?"  Let me tell you.  She was my ticket to happiness.  She made me realize all of these secrets that I never knew.  I am so much more me now than I have ever been.  I am a better wife, a better friend, a better mama.  And that, was my choice.  And this is me... living my dream.  And this is me... sharing... the story of us.  

What we've been up to the last couple of weeks... oh, just things that make us happy...

taking time to smell the flowers

 she liked them too... and would eat them

blowing bubbles

 loving the lake

feeding the fish

growing his garden

loving Nana's zinnias              

 At Nana & Pawpaw's

such a fish

her too

 checking off lots from the summer bucket list

loving summer

loving life

Resolutions/ Schmezolutions...

...I hate resolutions.

OK, this wasn't always the case.  Like ever other year, I started thinking about my resolutions over the holidays.  I went into my notes on my smartphone to type them up when I found a note titled Resolutions 2012.  Hmmmm.... last year's resolutions.  I was excited to revisit this list and see where I was a year ago versus where I am now.  And, what I got was a total bummer.  It was the same list as this year.  THE SAME LIST!  Meaning... I made no progress last year according to myself.  How could I if I had the same resolutions?  That's when I decided... resolutions are for the birds and I would be first in line to vote this age-old tradition out of existence.

You know what I mean, right?  How many years can they feature the same resolutions on the Today Show... "lose weight," "eat healthy," "work-out," "make time for my family/spouse," "be nice."  Over and over and over again.  The thing is... if we have to repeat the same resolutions from the year before... something isn't working.  Can I get an Amen?

Why?  Why are our resolutions not working?  Why are these empty words floating around in our heads hoping to make this the best year yet?  Why are we no better off a year later and yet we repeat the same broken process?

This is the formula I came up with...

(Unwillingness to change [aka stubbornness]) x (empty promises/false hope) = resolutions

Here are the problems with resolutions... they require one to change and in order to change permanently, one must take action.  In order to take action, one must have a plan.  In order to have a plan, one must set goals.

And so this year, I am writing off resolutions for good and I am replacing them with good ol' fashioned goals.  Because my stubbornness seems to be a bit on the overloaded side... (yes, I admit), it is imperative for me to take serious action to get to where I want to be.  I am not going to look back on 2013 as a year of no progress.  I will not settle for that.  Not again.

But a lot happened in 2012 that shook me to my core and isn't that where we take a good look at ourselves in the mirror and think, "Hmmmmm... do I like who is looking back at me?"  I have done a lot of looking in the mirror in the past few months wondering that very question.  Truth is, the answer for me is no.  And this is a big admission from the gal who is always right.  From the gal who can do it better than anyone.  From the gal who has it all together.  Yes, me.  I am the one who hears, "I'm sorry," not the one who delivers it.  I am the one who does it correctly the first time, of course.  I am the one who knows it all.  Yet, it is me that's the problem.  (And my Type A personality.)  Am I being too critical?  Yes.  It's about time.

But CHANGE is a-comin' because I already told you.  I will not settle.  Not again.  And this year is going to be different because my life is different.  My outlook is different.  My experiences are different.

You may recall when I first described the journey of learning about little Lilah's diagnosis of dwarfism, I compared it to being on a ravine and getting pushed over the edge into the wild jungle below.  I could see the ravine on the other side and I knew that was where I wanted to be, but I had to get there.  The learning process, the change inside me, the growing of the character takes place in this jungle.  That's where I am and that is where I have been for the past few months.  And it's hard... and wonderful... and scary... and freeing.

In this jungle, you see the good and the bad.  Somedays all I see are exotic flowers every where I turn.  I see bright colors and God's beauty and creativity in every step.  Somedays are filled with optimism and joy and gratitude that I was chosen to walk through this jungle.  Somedays I cannot believe how lucky I am.  Other days, I see things I don't want to see... scary monsters show their faces and I have to go to battle.  I feel this way when I dig deep and realize something about myself that isn't pretty.  When harboring old grudges or feelings or certain thoughts or insecurities come out, I have to acknowledge them and battle them.  But this is why this journey is just that.  It doesn't happen overnight and I am committed to being a better person for my family, for my Lilah, for her world.  Change is just a word.  But it is a word that I don't take lightly.  I am willing to fight the fight within myself to let go, grow, open my mind, and see things with clarity from a pure heart.

And with every goal that has ever been fulfilled, it started with the understanding of HOW.  How am I going to get there?  How am I going to make these goals work for me?  How am I going to put them into practice until they have changed me for good?

I am a visual person.  I need visuals and lots of them.  I need daily, hourly, minutely reminders to stay on track.  To fight those battles and win them.  To keep going on the path looking for those flowers and bright colors.  Luckily, I have my visuals.  I have my son who makes me want to fight every fight just to be that much more of a role model for him.  I have my husband who does one million little things in a day just for the chance it might be rewarded with a smile.  I have my daughter who makes me want to  burn a path within our society for her to follow.  And when I look at them, I am going to understand the importance of change and me becoming better for them is my choice... and oh how they are worth it.  And their life will be better because I am better.

This is the year of Change.  And hope, and love and acceptance and gratitude.  This is the year I start being the change I want to see in the world.  And I will begin with one step at a time, one day at a time.  And I will live life on purpose and with great purpose.

Out with the resolutions... and you can take your Auld Lang Syne with you.  Never could pronounce that song anyway.  In with a fresh start, a new beginning, a positive outlook and most importantly a willingness to change and goals to go along with it.