I have to be honest... it has been a little overwhelming to read all of the comments on the blog. The positive filled me with so much encouragement. It caused many random smiles throughout my day when I would read words that spoke to my heart. I loved hearing other stories, experiences and perspectives on the topics of short or different or acceptance. On the flip side, the negative had me spinning a bit. Part of me thought, this is good for me... makes me stronger, allows me to open my mind, tests my patience... and the other part... yeah. I mumbled some choice words under my breath and wrote the nicest response I could manage.
Here's the thing. My mentor told me this...
"Always remember that Love IS the greatest power in the Universe, as you well know--and it is another name for "God". Alongside of this, always remember that "what you FIGHT, fights back"--always. So, be on FIRE with Love, and never knowingly, try to fight anything...but allow it to be, bless the naysayers and find something to love about anything or anyone who starts to "feel" like an enemy.
In other words, those who make you feel like they want to "do battle" are simply crying out for Love--because all of us are in either one place or the other...that, of giving Love, or that of needing Love--and it is always our choice as to which place we stand.
Oh, how I love that. And she is right... showing love is the best thing I can ever do... for anyone. I needed to hear that. I needed to understand that. You see, I can be somewhat of a spitfire. I am 95% sweet/kind/patient and 5% will fight to the end. (Ok, maybe that percentage is a little off... it might be more like 80/20. Oh, who are we kidding... it is probably more like 70/30... on a good day.) Anyhow, I can pretend that it's not me... but it is. I am embracing the me. Yes, I am a little spark plug that is very capable of standing up for myself, my family and my beliefs. I can turn into a mama bear in .5 seconds if need be. But, I am learning. If I fight fire with fire, it is me who is going to get burned. My mentor is right. Love is the only way to go.
I have been feeling a bit conflicted about the blog. I am not a natural-born writer-- at all. This is me writing my thoughts down with very little editing. It takes a lot for me to sit down and write because it is not something that I am passionate about. I don't have that... "oh, I can't wait to write" feeling. The reason I do write is because I have that "I have something I want to share" feeling. My hopes and intentions with the blog is to inspire, raise awareness for dwarfism and spread lots of love along the way. Lately, I have been writing about "big" topics that carry a lot of weight. The M-word, acceptance, celebrating differences. Topics that make me want to write because they need to be discussed and shared. But the truth is... my blog isn't a very good reflection of me and my family. Dwarfism is such a small part of our lives. Yes, my daughter was diagnosed with dwarfism and will have this diagnosis the rest of her life. As a result, she will be physically different. How much does that play into our daily lives? Very little.
My goal is to try to merge the blog with our real lives in attempts to share what we are all about. For those who follow along on Facebook (Dream Big Little One page)... you seeing a little more... For those who follow along on Instagram (dreambiglittleones)... you are seeing the real us. I post 4-5 pictures everyday of our real lives. The pretty, the fun, the messy, the silly. That's us. I am going to put the love and the real life back into the blog and hang up the fight. Not meaning that I won't stand up to others and raise awareness for dwarfism... not meaning I won't discuss important topics. Not meaning I wont share what I am learning in this amazing journey. It simply means that I am going to do it my way. In this blog, we will laugh, smile and carry on because THAT is what we are all about.
I mentioned my mentor above... she happens to be my grandmother's cousin. She just turned 81 this week. She has so much wisdom to share... I love that she takes the time to share it with me. Luckily, this past year, I have met so many inspiring women from around the country, that I also call mentors. And I have learned all about this one word: happiness. It is something I have been chasing for years. If I only had this... if I only accomplished that... if this would happen... then I would be happy. I chased it around and around and it was early on in my journey of living post-diagnosis that I realized... I would never catch it that way. I learned that happiness is a choice. Sometimes, if you have the world on a silver spoon, it is an easy choice. Sometimes, the cards you are dealt are not favorable and it becomes a difficult choice. But, a choice nonetheless. I have watched mamas in their 30's with small children deal with a cancer diagnosis with grace. They chose to look for the rainbow in gray skies. I have seen mamas with children with disabilities turn from devastated to utterly ecstatic with the mastering of a small milestone. They chose the glass half full. I have seen mamas whose babies earned their angel wings far before their time. They chose to praise God.
Happiness isn't when you get more, do more, are more. Happiness isn't yesterday or tomorrow or in five years. Happiness isn't earned or deserved or awarded. Happiness isn't found by comparing, judging or measuring. Happiness isn't found by being perfect, having it all together or looking a certain way.
Happiness is you filling your cup with things that bring you joy. It is finding small moments each day that cause you to break into smile. It is feeling like you and being completely comfortable doing so. It is looking at the people in your life and appreciating the good. It is being content with what you have and going after your dreams at the same time. It is loving & living to your fullest. It is laughing. It is dancing. It is being giddy.
When I had it all, I was too busy chasing more that I didn't notice. When I found out about Lilah's diagnosis my world came crashing down. I thought, "How will I ever be happy?" Let me tell you. She was my ticket to happiness. She made me realize all of these secrets that I never knew. I am so much more me now than I have ever been. I am a better wife, a better friend, a better mama. And that, was my choice. And this is me... living my dream. And this is me... sharing... the story of us.
What we've been up to the last couple of weeks... oh, just things that make us happy...